“Church girl”.
To my teenage dismay this was a label that people who barely knew me lobbed at me, intended to be an insult for how much I went to church. I had no say in going, but that didn’t matter. The younger version of me, not knowing the power of that label, allowed that label to wrap itself around me as an insult - I hated it. I rallied against it all the more because I didn’t like being viewed as a “goody goody”. I didn’t like being defined as this one thing, especially something made out to be dull, and boring, and perfect. I went places, did things, entertained people that I knew meant me no good, but because that would prove that I wasn’t a “good girl”. Make no mistake – I didn’t want to be a “bad girl” either. I had seen enough parts and pieces of life and people to know the “bad girl” thing wasn’t the lifestyle for me. Sus just wanted to be grown so bad. I am sus. Sus was me. It’s not like life snowballed into this terrible, destructive path. I’ve had some good experiences, and I’ve had some bad experiences, as we all have. Taking a step back to see a bigger picture I know there were things I would not have seen or gone through had I embraced and unpacked what the “church girl” could have really meant for me rather than shunning it based on how others defined and understood it.
I do know that life must be lived though. We’re going to fall short; we’re going to make the wrong choices sometimes, especially while we’re young. I’ve learned that people can advise someone all they want but sometimes some people just have to learn the hard way. Some people have to fall to learn what the fall feels like, how to learn from the fall, who they can depend on in a fall, how to get back up, and how to navigate a fall of that magnitude & dimension in the future. And I was one of those people. To this day sometimes I’m still one of those people. I have no qualms about it, because some of those hardest falls taught me the greatest lessons. My falls have shown me some things – about myself, about my “friends”, about love, about family, about God, about life. And it was never just me picking myself back up from those falls. It was a variety of people God strategically placed in my life along the way to help me get back up. People that the little “church girl” version of me was not quite worthy of in those seasons. But even as I was pushing back against who God was shaping me out to be He still gifted these beautiful people to me. He continued to bless me, look out for me, and provide for me.
So now when my aunt calls me her “lil church girl” I don’t shy away from it like I used to. I lean into that badge of honor, and I wear it with pride. I am a church girl. And I allow that title to take on whatever form & definition it needs to for the betterment of my journey with Christ. In church, at the feet of Christ has become my favorite place to be. I love the excitement in the air as people fill in, expecting God to show up and show out. I love the worship that fills the room and completely transforms the energy inside. I love when my voice gets drowned out by the cries of others, worshipping purposefully along with me. I love the renewal and the refreshing the Holy Spirit deposits into me as I pour my cares out to Him. I love the WORD. The variability and the continuity of it at the same time. I love how I’ve heard the same words, same stories, same scriptures through each stage in my life (a toddler, a kid, a teenager, a young adult and will continue to hear well into adulthood) – and yet each time those same words produce a different lesson, a new thought pattern, an undiscovered idea, a new understanding of who God is and who I am chosen and destined to be. His word is a living thing. There is living in it. I love sewing into the ministry. I love talking to God in prayer. I love the community and the family. I really do love it all. It’s in no way perfect, but it doesn’t have to be because God didn’t call us to be. He called us to be faithful, He called us to love, and He called us to serve. And to me, that is what church is all about.
So yes y’all, I am a church girl. Who are you?
